That’s where the bar is these days. I’m exhausted. I feel like the sludge at the bottom of a puddle. Pretending that you’re okay is a full-time act of fiction. Notwithstanding the Biden-Harris uptick in energy and hope for the future, the last 10 months have been a slog of despair where I’ve said more often than not, sure, eat the Oreo cookie or donut, you may not even survive the year. We’re all tired. Have you noticed how we compare of levels of exhaustion in addition to our burdens. You can’t mask that sort of fatigue. Pun intended. It’s a challenge to find the energy to stoke the embers and feel the fire in your belly that you can do whatever; get up, go to the mailbox, go to work, think about writing, write. Fill in the blank with whatever it is for you.
Between expectations, intentions and plans there are storage bins full of doubt. Despair rings like tinnitus in my ears all day and all night and you might find five minutes in which you aren’t completely freaked out by whatever the next step is.
That’s what leads me to my January mantra, I woke up. Yay!
I got dressed and even accessorized a bit. That means that I put on some earrings. Woohoo!
I made coffee. Thank the gods of Olympus!
I ate breakfast! Now we’re talking!
The steps to success are just that, steps. The activity rings on my watch don’t count effort, so the data is in steps.
Everything is a of a celebration. It should be because life right now is hard as chromium. Maybe you’re trying to be postive for the negative people around you. Again, work on a scale of lifting 50 pound dumbells overhead. Maybe you float on the bubbles of hope or what I like to call do-able tasks. Maybe you wrote songs for your new album. I am not Taylor Swift. But I can feel ebullient about completing a blog post or reading one of yours.
Someone asked me if I do yoga or meditation or anything to align my chakras and get out of my head.
Cue the crickets.
I replied with two words. “I bike.” If there’s one place where pressure can only be found in my tires, it’s on my bike. That’s my zen, my calm, my meditation and medication. It’s where the sun meets the sky (if it’s not raining that day) and I can be free to roam, wander and just ride like I’m making a masterpiece Strava GPS picture. On my bike is where I engage with the world. Have you noticed how waving has returned. People wave and children yell HELLLLLLOOOOO and we interact at 12-15mph more than we have in a long time. Some drivers actually wave too instead of trying out other hand gestures.
Seeing and interating with the world from behind my handlebars I’m filled with joy that I woke up.
Whatever is in between my rides, the bits and pieces of the day, got done because I had my ride. I have been trying to close my eyes during the day and be in the moment breathing in and out and it is helpful. The funny thing is I usually visualize myself on a bike riding a bike on a Greek island feeling the heat of the summer beat down on me. I woke up. Yay!
Thanks for reading my blog.
Get out there and ride.
Thanks for your honest post. I can appreciate your struggles, BG. It’s like we’re all walking through quicksand trying to pretend like it’s not there and we’re not and smile about it. Maybe some people are so oblivious they don’t even notice it so it doesn’t bother them. But I think those people are either clueless, lying to themselves, rich, or all the above.
Biking helps keep me grounded. The other stuff I do does too: reading writing, walking , yoga, journalling, a little strength training, aging and listening to music. Food and TV are nice. The occasional friend interaction.
Real politicians actually interested in more than themselves in charge again is nice.
There’s a light at the end of this pandemic tunnel, though we who didn’t wear masks and those more powerful that dug the tunnel in the first place are certainly to blame (POTUS 45 get al.). As long as the tunnel isn’t the Lincoln and the light ain’t News Jersey.
Just keep pedalin’, and breathing etc.
Thanks, man. I’m a teacher and things feel overwhelming everyday and then you have to move to the next thing so fast you can hardly appreciate that you’ve done something you’ve never done before. Writing is helping and keeping busy but I do miss travel tremendously. Take care.
This is so motivational thank you x