Rumors of ghosting my readers are false. As terms go it seems that “ghosting” is new. In the essence of full disclosure, ghosting means is to abruptly cut off contact with someone without giving that person any warning or explanation for doing so. I didn’t mean to fall into the well of silence. However the way I understand it, ghosting also means there’s another step. Even when the person being ghosted reaches out to re-initiate contact or gain closure, they’re met with silence. I hope that is not the case readers, so let me assure you that I am still here and all is well. As I was drifting off to sleep last night I starting feeling ever hopeful again. I thought of the beautiful Emily Dickinson poem which is often cited as a quote, but it’s actually a poem:
“Hope” is the thing with feathers – (314)
“Hope” is the thing with feathers –
That perches in the soul –
And sings the tune without the words –
And never stops – at all –
And sweetest – in the Gale – is heard –
And sore must be the storm –
That could abash the little Bird
That kept so many warm –
I’ve heard it in the chillest land –
And on the strangest Sea –
Yet – never – in Extremity,
It asked a crumb – of me.
All that to say that each day I gain the tiniest bit more hopeful. Like taking a deep breath and feeling like I will rise. It has been a challenging time to be an educator. The demands at work have been like a headwind in my soul. Each day more daunting that the last and I wish I wasn’t such a pond of exhaustion at the end of my work day.
I wish I could eek out a sentence of two in the evening instead of spending another hour or more getting lessons, the school news or whatever ready for the next day. Yet, it’s not only that part. As an on-the-side blogger I am always trying to figure out when to write and how much and how personal and on and on. There’s always a siege of self doubt and second guessing about my writing. While I have been writing in the last several week it has been negative and I don’t want that out there. It’s easier to be hopeful and optimistic when you’re rested, fed and feeling satisfied with yourself.
I wish I could plan and execute my ideas and not be so ready to excuse my lack of writing with the aforementioned exhaustion and criticism.
I wish I was the type of person that didn’t need to be perfectish at work and could somehow hold back enough of the essence of moi to spend on what I want to do later in the day, week, month.
I wish I could shift into a personal gear that would allow me to be more me for myself than for others.
Wishes become realities when you do the work and figure out how to make the time and track stand in your own lane waiting for the light to turn and you take off, ready to fly.
Now Albert Einstein had a good quote about that, “Learn from yesterday, live for today.” I don’t want to ghost you, or myself. I want to be present and start hearing that little bird again and I make my way through another Gale.
How are you doing? Tell me in the comments.